Disagreements in relationships are often based on our perceptions of the intentions of our partners. Staying away from the bulls-eye means knowing what kinds of actions could be fatal to the relationship and avoiding them.

LABEL THE TARGET

Imagine a target with a red bulls-eye, with a white circle around that, and another red and another white and so on until there are 10 levels. Imagine that there is a 1 in the outermost circle and a 10 in the center.

Ask your partner what kinds of things go in which circles. Saying her hair is not straight. Laughing if she spills a drink. Having sex with her sister. Twice. Find out what goes in what circles.

Then be honest, and tell her the same things about yourself. The 8, 9, and 10 stuff should be real deal-busters, the kind of thing that you have to leave the house and think over really hard.

STAY OUT OF THE MIDDLE

Stay out of the three inner circles. Always. All the time. Not just don’t get caught. Don’t even think about it.

This approach won’t necessarily ensure that you’ll make it in your relationship. What it will do is enable you to talk about it when you disagree.