MARY ALICE, IS THAT YOU

MARY ALICE, IS THAT YOU? (1978)

The inspiration for this play was one of those odd thoughts a person has. I was watching a pro football game, the Cardinals were still in StLouis but I don't remember who they were playing, but I remember wondering how impossible (or how possible) it would be for the entirety of television to be, well, canned. Fake. Like they weren't really from StLouis and the whole thing was made up.

I was living in a very nice federally subsidized apartment in College Station at the time, and I remember looking out the peephole in the door at the world outside and wondering how hard it would be to make that look different, like say, 1955. I thought to myself, "It looks a lot like 1955 out there" just to see how the words would sound.

I had previously written a goofy sophomoric play called "Here Comes The Rain" and since it was fatally flawed, structurally, I felt like salvaging some of the music. So I made up this story about a guy who is in an apartment and the white dot from his TV set (you have to be pretty old to remember the white dot) was controlling what images and information he gets - from his tv, his phone, and his peephole.

From the vantage point of 2001, Virtual Reality has been done many times. I consider this play to include more of a case of hallucination than The Matrix, for example.

ACT 1: The Guy's Apartment, early one evening.

ACT 2: The same place, around midnight that night.

ACT I

fade IN: An apartment, USA 1979. Sparse furnishings, a tv, telephone, a couch, maybe a good soft chair or two, maybe a good hard chair. A young man is on the phone. It is evening or night, dark outside. The television set is on, without sound, or perhaps quiet and innocuous … The young man is alone, and he sings.

GUY

QUESTIONS 1. 1971
I’d like to love you, I’d like to care. I’ve read your book and I really want to share. But there’s some questions I need to know before I let myself go. I’ve heard people talk, they say that if I’m gonna love you, that it’s gotta be all the way. That you’ve gotta own my soul for me to know the joys that’ll make me feel whole. Well I wasn’t born yesterday, and I didn’t just happen this way. I’ve learned the games that I must play, to be who I am. Which of these will I have to give up for your love? And tell me where my freedom lies, if you own my soul I’d like to know. If you control my life then how, in what way, am I free? And what’s so special about you that love ain’t enough? Do you want my cigarettes? My car? My watch? Or my Sunday nights? Just what’s the deal gonna be?

He slams the phone down and snaps the TV off. The picture shrinks to a white dot in the center of the screen. It doesn’t go away and he doesn’t notice. He is too busy talking tough bout whomever he has just disconnected. He mutters and rants and so on until the white dot speaks …

You must be tough. You told her off. You never brought her home.

The guy is shocked, but we’ve always expected the white dot to speak, and to know our deepest secrets. This is foolish. White dots are really stupid.

You told her that you’d go away. That’s what you told her yesterday. You speak again and nothing’s new. Why even speak anew?

GUY

Jesus! The white dot! I didn’t know y’all could talk!

No Answer.

Do it again!

You speak again because you must. I think I speak the truth. Fourscore and seven speaks, the same. She threw you off, forsooth.

GUY

I’ll turn you off, forsooth!

It is true that you are you. And speak each night you will. But could you stop for holiday, or for your mouth to fill? You must be tough. You told her off. You never brought her home.

Guy

If you were as smart as you look you’d know that the phone hasn’t worked for three weeks! I just use it to take out my frustrations. Don’t give me any new ones.

As your life leaks, the white dot speaks. You never will reclaim it. You like the girl, the white dot speaks, your history proclaims it.

guy

You silly tube, you sound a rube, and well you try to rug me. But fool am I, and twice and three, if I shall not unplug thee.

He does. The dot closes its eye.

guy

There! Jesus! A stupid dot, of all things. Who knows, it’s probably right and all, but wow, how much can a guy admit to his TV?

This is obviously a man of taste and distinction, concerned about the propriety involved in the relationship between a man and his set. He returns to the phone and reveals what a man could never say to his television.

guy

Holy, Holey, Wholly
I have these two sides. We live in here. One’s a sinner, one’s a saint. I want to be the one who loves you. The one who’d never want to be above you. The one who thinks you’re holy.

I’ve said it one time, I’ve said it twice. I never plan to fall in love. It tears my tears out on the wrong day … It leaves me feeling spent and empty. It leaves me feeling holey.

I live these two lives, at different times. Sometimes I try so hard to believe. I want to be the one who trusts you. The one who jumps off the house above you. The one who thinks you’re holy.

I can’t trust women. I can’t love men. Where does a problem like this end? I watch you want the things that I do. I watch you want them deep inside you. I watch you take them, wholly.

I live these two lives, at different times. Sometimes I try not to belive that your’e the one who’d try to hurt me, that your’e the one who’d ever desert me, that your’e the one who’s holy.

He hangs up, tenderly. The phone rings. He looks surprised and answers it.

Jesus! How’d you get this phone number? How’d you get this pnone? It doesn’t even work!

I’d have called sooner. The line was busy.

Guy

You sound different on the phone.

You’d sound different if you did as many commercials as I do. You never brought her home. What does she look like?

guy

QUESTIONS 2. 1973

She’s got crazy legs. But she’s got crazy hangups. And I’m all hung up on her. Oh my! How can I ever find some peace of mind?

Wish I could see her mind like I can see her body, but she hides it in a fog. Oh my! How can I ever hope to know my name?

She knows how really special that it is to me. But she’ll never know how hard it is for me to be this way when I’m around her. Woman you gotta help me understand.

I’d like to see a last surprise, a big surprise from her. I wish to God that she’d open that door and let me see what’s inside. Woman you got help me stand.

She’s got crazy legs, they really make my mornin’. I mean to say they really shut my eyes. Oh my! Why can’t I see the solitude of her mind?

She says she’s alone, she says that it’s all too cruel, but still she’s gotta hide. Oh my! Why can’t I ever know what’s going down inside?

(The white dot is on, even though the set is unplugged.)

You told her off, you like the girl. How can you mix the two?

guy

I don’t know. I just do.

Not true. It splits you.

guy

I’m not gonna sit here and argue with a white dot.

You are angry. You like her. You feel lonely. You must be tough.

guy

I’m the first guy in America who gets watched by his TV.

You blame her. You never brought her home.

guy

I don’t either. She doesn’t understand. What’s it to you, anyway? Who asked you to ask me anything You don’t wanna get involved.

I don’t understand your hostility.

guy

No? I’ve been watching you a long time and you’ve never acted like this. What’s your problem?

Yours.

guy

I’m through with this business.

He changes channels on the unplugged set. The dot continues to stare.

Just like the president. Every channel. Leave me alone.

You feel lonely.

guy

I can handle that. I just pick up this phone. So tune out, ok?

Do you mind if I listen?

guy

As if I could stop you. Just be quiet.

OPUS 2. 1975

Wish I could say something funny right now, or tell you that I want you, but I don’t know how. I’m at a loss for words, now it’s all boiled down, it’s all boiled plumb away.

I wake up in the morning feeling strong and cold. And I make it through the day on my own. But when the sun goes down, so does that mask, and I can’t think of nothing to say.

But if I spoke with the tongues of angels, and if I knew every word that there was, I’d say, sometimes I wanna be alone, baby, sometimes I wanna be alone with you.

The me in me is in a state of confusion and it’s all my fault. Beating clenched and angry fists on the independent sense of security that’s the me I’ve tried to be for so long, baby, the me I’ve tried to be for so long.

Evening under a full moon, under the elms. I wanna take you by the hand. Say you understand.

I can’t escape those diamond eyes. You’re bathed in moonlight and you’re wrapped in gingham and cotton. And I’m afraid and feeling rotten and wanna get home before my courage turns into a pumpkin.

The song trails away, fades, segues, and ends in an all too timely death, reminiscent of the fight between Godzilla and the Ants from Mars. Lots of songs are that way these days: One of the greatest songwriters of our time, and of all time, Ira Marvin Homer Bard himself, was lamenting recently that they just don’t write good finishes these days. He was all too ready to blame it on a lack of ability and imagination, but I’m not so sure. Maybe if you could tell where things star and finish easier, the rest of your life would fall right into place. I guess it’s like that old question, which came first, the chicken or the rooster.

Of course that’s neither here nor there, and while the young man sang, the TV was increasingly impressed with his singing. This may come as a surprise to those of you who have heard your TV sing like Sills or Pavorotti, but TVs are terrible singers and love music. In light of this, it should come as no surprise that the television said …

You sing very well.

guy

I don’t think about it.

You do this a lot.

guy

I don’t think about it.

But you do this a lot.

guy

Every night.

Why don’t you go to her house?

guy

I don’t know, I just feel kind of stuck here.

The door isn’t locked.

guy

I know it.

There are many kinds of chains.

guy

I already have a lock. I just don’t use it.

You don’t use a key, either.

guy

You don’t sound like Shakespeare anymore.

You took me off PBS.

guy

I don’t know how to handle you. Should I treat you like a friend, or like a pet?

You have various choices. You could completely ignore me.

guy

Like she ignores me.

You could turn me off.

guy

Like she knew what she was doing. She doesn’t know what she’s doing. She doesn’t know what I’m doing. She should just go through one evening like this. She’s see the light then.

You are ignoring me.

guy

She’d know she was wrong the, if she did this just once. She’s nothing special. I could tell her a few things. I could ask her how she liked it then, I could tell her I told you so, what could she do then?

You’re turning me off.

guy

QUESTIONS 3, 1973

When you’re stuck at home in your mind, when nobody else wants to come around whatchagonnado?

When your mind decides that it’s floating alone in the middle of an ocean, whatchagonnado?

When you try to tell yourself that you’re standing on a mountain, and all the time you know that you’re hung on a stick, whatchagonnado?

If you believe that you’re a stronger kind of woman, if you believe that you can handle your own world, you’re gonna find that you’re not quite what you seem. Tell me whatchagonnado?

When your house is dark and it’s lonely, and your fears are grinning in every corner, and you know you’re gonna break up, but it’ll never get you out, tell me whatchagonnado?

So when your fear of being alone is bigger than yourself, and your sense surrounds you, walk on over momma, talk into the mike, tell me whatchagonnado?

GUY

So don’t call me up now lady. It’s not fill in the blank anymore, is it? You weren’t such a smarty pants, were you? You didn’t do such a number one on one, did you I told you so …

What? (Shit, she’s on the phone!!!) Mary Alice? You what? You’ve been trying to call me? My phone didn’t work? Yes, it seems to be working very well, now. You have what? Sure you can, if you want to. (Are you listening to this?)

She is asking him for his address. You can’t hardly find a girl who will ask a guy for his address these days, and when you do, it’s usually just something flip, like “Where do you live?” or “How do I find it?” Never the proper phrase, “Do you live in a portacan? Oh, yeah? Prove it!”

guy

My address. I’m still in the same place. Yeah … yeah … right … yeah, then left and I’m on the left … all the way in the middle … #1225. Tomorrow night? Sure, sure. No, I wasn’t talking to anybody. I p[lay with my phone a lot. It keeps my TV happy. I mean it. Thank you. Ok, bye.

(To the TV) You’ll have to shut up now. I can’t believe it. All the time I thought because she didn’t show up she was .. Boy, am I excited! Boy, am I excited! Boy, are you quiet!

I’ve been turned off.

guy

Then get turned on again! Like me. Oh, boy. Mary Alice is coming here tomorrow night. You know sometimes I get to thinking about her and I feel sorry about all the things a girl goes through, and I feel kind of paternal, you know, kind of like a father, and kind of like she’s just a little, and I just want to do something to take care of her.

MIDDLESONG, 1973
little girl
with your hair in curls and your eyes so full of purity
do you know what innocence means?
can you heart believe? can you know love?
i know what they’re gonna try t’ do
i know all their foolish plans for you

little girl
will you trust them?
can you understand me now?
i know the pain you’re gonna feel
i know how you’ll suffer
and i’d give my whole life if i thought for a minute that it would help you

little girl
i can see the woman in you
so brave and strong
i know what’ll happen
i hope you can always find the strength to believe
and the courage to love
and maybe someday you’ll know why i say

woman
i can see the little girl in you
so sweet and pure
i know what they’ve done to you
i know where it hurts the most – only when you trust
i wonder if you’ll ever find the strength to be in love again
and lady, if only i could
i’d go back and make it all good for you

if i were wise, i’d give you wisdom
if i were rich, i’d buy you peace
and maybe you could find
happiness and freedom
but i’m not wise and i’m not rich
but if you think it’ll help at all
i’d like to give you
me.

Blackout. End of Act I

ACT II

It is much later. Midnight or so. The TV was left on and casts a blue glow over the apartment. The guy has fallen asleep on the couch, and will awaken soon to the confusion between reality and dreams, today and tomorrow and yesterday, and it’s funny, the only thing that seems constant is his feelings. For himself, for Mary Alice, for his life as his hopes have painted it.

GUY

Oh. I must have fallen asleep on the couch.

You did. Right before Errol Flynn saved the girl.

GUY

I missed Errol Flynn saving the girl?

It was wonderful.

GUY

He saved her in the end?

Errol Flynn hasn’t lost that girl in the forty years that movie has been out.

GUY

Every time?

Every time.

He isn’t ever really awake anyway.

GUY

I can’t believe I missed Errol Flynn saving the girl in the end.

He’s fixing to say that he dreamed about Mary Alice coming over.

I had the strangest dream.

Did Errol Flynn save the girl?

He’s fixing to say that Errol Flynn wasn’t even in the dream at all.

GUY

She was on a plain, far away, with lines around her, like football boundaries or borders or batter’s boxes. I was down in a hole.

Did Errol Flynn save you in the end?

He’s going to say no, that he wasn’t really in a hole, that is just seemed like a hole.

GUY

I was frustrated with the lines, I wanted everything to be clean, I just wanted the sun and the plain and Mary Alice, maybe a meadow or some woods, just the two of us.

I could probably fix up something like that.

He paid a lot of attention to that remark.

GUY

I was frustrated, I was reaching for her and the lines kept her back, kept me back, and then it was night, and the moon was out.

He’s going to say that the moon looked like Mary Alice.

Did the moon look like Mary Alice?

GUY

Only her face. The rest looked normal, you know.

Don’t tell me you were singling.

He wasn’t singing, was he?

I’m afraid he’s going to say that he was singing in the night.

GUY

It was nigh, and Mary Alice was the moon. I was singing, the darkness, and I was going deeper into the hole, and the frustration, and there was Mary Alice, shining, and I couldn’t reach her.

Let’s sing the song for the poor devil.

Sounds like a nightmare to me.

GUY

It seemed so unreal.

QUESTIONS 4, 1973

Woman, can you be as wonderful as you seem?
Woman, can your love be as real as it is when I dream?
Woman, can your eyes shine, even in the darkest night?
Woman, can your smile be as warm as the sunlight?

Hey, I’m goin’ somewhere far away (It’s all right, cause my woman’s there).
Yeah, Gonna leave this world far behind (You can keep your crowded plastic towns).
You can keep this world of hate (Just see if I give a damn).
See if I care at all (Gonna find some peace to live in).

Woman, will I ever take your hand?
Woman, will I ever make you understand?
Woman, I need your love and your guiding hand.
Woman, I love you.
Woman, will I ever tell you?
Woman, will I ever hear you?
Woman, will you ever say I love you?

Oh, I wanna get out of this place (It’s all right, if my woman’s with me).
I just can’t stand this race (gotta get out, gotta get a change of scene).
Gonna find my life someday (gonna find some peace to live in).
I’m going where life is kind (gonna find some peace of mind).

Woman, can you hear me now? I’m calling you.
Woman, I’m a-leaving now. Will you go, too?
Woman, I’m a-dying now, can you see me through?
Woman, will you come with me, to try to find the truth?

FADEOUT

FADE IN: Guy singing.

GUY

MARY ALICE, 1978

I’ve had it up to here with Mary Alice. That’s one time too many she’s been so callout. She can throw away my flowers, walk all over my name. Scream and cry and gritch all day, but I ain’t gonna play her game. I’ve had it up to her with Mary Alice.

I’ve had it up to here with Mary Alice. Gonna pull up all my roots and go to Dallas. She can put about how she’s so blue. Those tears should kill a garden or two. But I’ll be fertilizing my grin and my wink on Action Avenue. I’ve had it up to here with Mary Alice, I’m going to Dallas.

That’s the last time I fix a flat for Mary Alice. Every time I touch her driving car she give me the driving shaft. I’ve had it up to here with Mary Alice.

(Mary Alice comes in.)

MARY ALICE

I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner. I tried, though.

GUY

I was on the phone. It didn’t work.

MARY alice

What were you doing on the phone if it didn’t work?

guy

I was singing.

mary alice

Singing.

guy

Yeah.

mary alice

Singing on the phone.

guy

Yeah.

mary alice

You do this often?

guy

Every day.

mary alice

Yeah. You sing into the phone that doesn’t work every day.

guy

Every day.

mary alice

You wanna show the court how you sing into the phone that doesn’t work every day?

GUY

FALLING, 1979
I see a light at the end of the tunnel we’re falling through.
It’s nice to see a light when you’re falling in love like this
With you.

Used to see the world through a camera lens, felt it go round and round.
Dizzy ain’t the word for the feeling of free fall rose color.

Let’s hide and close our eyes.
I’ve seen you laugh and I’m hypnotized.
Whisper on the plains of the great world past.
Lie behind the wall and let the time go past.

It’s foolish to think that it’s foolish to think.
It’s wrong to believe you’re alone.
It’s wrong to fear the mistakes that we’ve made.
All the rules say believe and be brave.

The whole world is an ocean, we can’t all be John Wayne.
We like a little water, like playing in the rain.
What we need’s an island, a place that’s dry and warm,
So we can stand above it all and take away the pain
And the heartache.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel we’re falling through.
It’s nice to see a light when you’re falling
In love like this
With you.

(time passes. They have been on the couch. They have been talking and laughing, quietly and with affection.

mary alice

I guess I’d better go now.

guy

Well, at least wait a minute and let me thank you for coming by.

mary alice

Thank me how?

guy

Thank you properly.

mary alice

How properly?

guy

I could sing another song.

JUST WANT A KISS, 1979

GUY

Just want a kiss. Don’t want to miss you anymore.
Want the real thing. Let your love bring it all the way.
Say you’ll stay. Say it the way that you said it in the dream.

Mary Alice

I’d like to stay with you. See your eyes and feel the moment. Know the way you feel is real.

guy

Lean on me. Wish it could be this way all the time.

Mary Alice

I’ll lean on you. I could stay forever in your arms.

GUY

That would be nice to believe. But I know you’ll have to leave, and go home.

Mary Alice

You can be the prince. I’ll be the princess.

Guy

You know that’s silly, but I like the way it sounds.

(Mary Alice leaves.)

GRACIOUS ANTHEM, 1972

Thanks for taking the time to drop by tonight. Thanks for taking the time to look so nice tonight. Thanks for leaving to me all the tings that you did.
Seems like just yesterday … I first saw you, shy. And I, in nervous frustration, running to get anywhere.
What was it made me stop running from myself and my feelings? Made me run to you for caring and laughter and warmth?
I don’t know, or that you ever came at all. I don’t know what who did. Bit if you’re real, then just stay the same. Just hold my hand and tell me that we can hope. Hope to find a way.
I don’t know.
Thanks for being to me all the things that you did.
Thanks for all the smiles and the sweet things you told me all the time, being you.

You brought her home. You must be tough.

No response. He is lost in thought.

She does have crazy legs. She is very nice.

GUY

Yeah.

She is much like I pictured her.

GUY

Yeah?

Don’t you like her?

GUY

Yeah.

Wouldn’t you like to see her again?

GUY

Yeah.

Soon?

GUY

Yeah.

The picture becomes a psychedelic and increasingly hypnotic pattern during those questions.

I could show her to you now.

GUY

Yeah?

He is under now. Her face fills the screen.

(in Mary Alice’s voice) Don’t you want to sing to me again?

GUY

Yeah.

MIRROR 1974

Mirror, mirror of my life
Reflecting all my pain and strife
Wish you wished to be my wife tonight.

Mirror, can you see me too?
Can you see the way I’m seeing you?
Loving, never knowing who you are.

All the lights in all the nights
All my heart and all my rights
Could never say, never ask, for you.

Mirror, show me who we are
Warm the nights and cool the days
Let us see our someday rays
… and then what?

Perhaps a hand, an only man,
A one time, all time, lady can
Show this boy, this boy really who he is.

Mirror, mirror of my life,
Reflecting inside out
Wish you wished I wished you, too.
Wish you wished I wished you, tonight.

TV/MA

I can be your wife tonight.

GUY

Yeah?

(He is fighting to come out of it.)

TV/MA

I can be everything to you.

GUY

What?

TV/MA

I can be everything to you.

GUY

Yeah?

TV/MA

I can make you rich and powerful.

GUY

What are you doing on TV?

TV/MA

I can take you anywhere.

GUY

How can you hear me?

I’ve been right here all along.

GUY

You have not.

I can stay forever. I can make you happy.

GUY

Come out of that TV.

(The white dot is back, using the voice of Mary Alice.)

GUY

Where did she go?

I was here all along.

GUY

Where’s Mary Alice?

I don’t know.

GUY

She was on TV a minute ago.

That was me.

GUY

That was I.

That was me.

GUY

It was a white dot?

I can take you anywhere.

GUY

It wasn’t Mary Alice? It was a white dot?

I can be anyone.

GUY

Well, stop being Mary Alice.

I can stay forever. I can make you happy.

GUY

Who needs you? I’ve got the real Mary Alice.

Yeah?

GUY

Yeah. You saw her yourself.

Yeah?

GUY

Yeah. She was right here this evening.

Yeah?

GUY

Where were you? Quit saying, Yeah?” Didn’t you see her?

NO.

GUY

Well, I saw her here tonight and I don’t want you being Mary Alice anymore.

I didn’t see her here.

GUY

You must be blind and deaf. I just told you she was here.

Yeah?

GUY

Yeah?

You must be tough. She was not here.

(No response)

I made her up myself.

(He looks around at the TV.

An image. Easy. Made you happy.

GUY

She wasn’t here?

No.

GUY

You made it look like she was here?

I can make you happy again. Or rich. Or powerful.

GUY

That wasn’t really Mary Alice?

It is only a little thing. I can make you happy and wise.

GUY

You mean keeping … It wasn’t real? It was fake. Fake fake fake.

What is real? I make things right. You couldn’t tell it wasn’t her.

GUY

But it wasn’t real.

Didn’t you see her?

GUY

Yeah, but …

Didn’t you feel her?

GUY

Yeah, but …

What was the difference?

GUY

It wasn’t real.

(The screen is Mary Alice’s face)

Don’t you like me?

GUY

Yeah, but no. Get off of there.

Don’t you want to see me again? Don’t you want me all the time?

GUY

Get her off that TV!!!

You don’t need reality anymore. You never needed it. You’ve been hiding from it all the time. You’ve never face it. Why is reality so important now? You can have me now.

GUY

I said get her off of there.

You can have me here all the time. Who cares where she is?

GUY

I do.

(He throws the phone through the TV. Sings)

ESSAIS 1974

Been a long time since I came here, be a while til I go.
In the meantime what’s it gonna matter what I think or if I know? If I need, if I feel human, what’s the world gonna do? If I give something while I live here, will it remember that I knew?

Hell it can’t help me, it can’t give me the things that I need. My strength’s gonna have to be inside of me, I can’t just walk up on the street, and say, “Are you the one who’s supposed to help me?” Or maybe are there more than one?

Not just anyone can help me, I know from what I’ve seen so far. And why depend on just one person, just one person who may never come? My strength’s gonna have to be inside of me, to try to satisfy my fear …

(There is a knock at the door. He hears Mary Alice’s voice)

MARY ALICE

Anybody home?

GUY

Mary Alice, is that you?

MARY ALICE

Yeah. Are you at home.

GUY

Oh, sorry.

(He opens the door and lets her in)

I was just tearing up my TV.

MARY ALICE

I forgot my purse.

GUY

Here it is.

MARY ALICE

Can I ask a stupid question?

GUY

If you don’t mind a stupid answer.

MARY ALICE

Why were you tearing up your TV?

GUY

No, dear. Why?

MARY ALICE

Yeah.

GUY

Don’t ask.

THE END