This film was, thankfully, a formula suspense film, made modern. The monster didn't eat the hero or the girl, although it gave her a very sinister licking near the end. The best part, to me, was that Linda Hunt lived, because I like her and I hate to see monsters pick on short people. It offends my sense of fairness. They let it eat a guy in a wheelchair and broke a very basic movie rule - they killed one dog. Ok, the other one apparently pouted and whined his way to a later disappearance, but it still counts as killing the dog. The rule is: YOU NEVER KILL THE DOG. I guess that if you have two, you can kill one and it's not as bad.
The worst part was that there was no denoument. It was as if, after the climax, they were out of money and couldn't finish the story. Not a single line between the Hero and the Girl about dating, living happily ever after, or anything but he let her keep his Lucky Bullet. That surprised me, because I thought they saved a lot of money on electricity making this film. Most of the time, it was dark and they used flashlights. I figured they'd have enough money for a lengthy wrapup. This movie was DARK. I couldn't see anything most of the time.
The film also made me consider the state of metamorphosis in the movies today. Once upon a time, a person would be transformed by a spell, then a potion, then a potion from a modern chemistry lab, then a radioactive ray, then by using the internet, and now, just by eating leaves that have been changed by a virus. They've broken all the rules of science these days. Plants can make animal protiens and eating them (or drinking the juice from them) can turn a person into a reptile who either needs more leaves or has to suck the same tasty chemicals out of human brains. The freedom from the limits of making any sense at all, and just spouting technobabble, must make filmmaking a lot easier than it used to be.
This particular monster (now, where was I?) seemed to acquire attention deficit disorder as a side effect of its transformation. It left in the middle of fights, when there were still plenty of juicy people to eat. I don't know why it didn't eat the second dog, the two guys following the dog handler, the athsmatic cleaning woman, or the other policemen on the roof. I don't know why it didn't eat the rest of the mayor's party. It makes me wonder how it ever found the museum from the lake, following the old forgotten coal tunnels. I guess that an anthropologist would just have a special sense about these things. Of course, there's the off possibility that the monster was thinking, "I've got to hurry off to another part of the museum now, I have to be there for another scene." How it got from the soldiers and the main hall to the sub-basement to the lab and back, and ate anyone who needed dying in all three spots throughout the movie, was a wonder to me. It was a difficult job for any monster, but this one pulled it off through hard work and dedication to its mission of sucking humans like honeysuckle, swallowing the sweet droplets and throwing away the useless shell.
The ending was especially modern, with the Hero on his butt, while the Girl kills the monster and saves herself, along with the city of Chicago and who knows, maybe Gary, Indiana too. That's probably what keeps them from taking over the entire world. Lucky for us.
I'd give it one and a half stars out of five. I really wanted to see more than I did.
Here's a link to the IMDB site for Relic.